Transitions

I find it strange to look back at my school photos and see what I was like all those years ago. At the age of 5, for example, I was blond. To think it! Blond! It beggars belief. And for many years up to the age of 14, I never had hair that went past my ears. But times have changed and so have I, and here I am.

I say all this because lately I have found myself using my distraction-less environment (without a job in an area where the closest club was a 40 minute walk away, and is now closed anyway) to reminisce about my life up to now - friends I've had, friends I've lost, friends, who after all these years I'm still in touch with, things i've done, things I wish I'd done, things I wish i'd avoided. And one thing that really sticks out is that the time spent with people. Time with friends, both old and new. I've not always considered myself to be very sociable, but over the last few years, I appear to have become more and more approachable (I hope I don't sound too arrogant here, it's just an observation), and this has benefited me in ways I have never really noticed. I have so many more people now who I would call friends than I could ever have imagined 4 years ago.

And just when I feel comfortable, it all changes again. A few years back, this would have scared me. A new setting, with new people, what do i do? Now I am actually excited about going somewhere new. Which is most definitely a turn up. It will be a wrench to leave this area. But I must be getting on with my life. And we are a terribly lucky generation, as was pointed out by my dad. We have so many ways of staying in touch. Facebook, Myspace, MSN, it's almost too easy. That sometimes scares me. It's all too easy. Who are my realy friends? Who will I still know in 10, 20 years? James? Robert? Carlos? Will these people still be my friends?
Only time will tell.

Ruminating

Of late, I have found myself contemplating more and more about what life is really about. A lot has seemed to come to an end recently, things that I had never imagined ending, that I thought would go on forever and this appears to have imbued in me a certain morbid fascination with the end of things and lives. What constitutes an end? Indeed, does anything ever really end? If the memory of something or someone lives on in no matter how small a size, is it finished? Is that the end?

Memories stay with your forever but they are annoyingly skillful and not being there when you wish to remember them. I sometimes wish I was in possession of the "Pensieve" from Harry Potter (apologies for the reference - yes I have read the 7th book, and I loved it. Another thing that has ended...) not only because I often find myself so full of memories but also because I wish to be able to conjure up memories at a whim. You see, to me the Pensieve is a way of not forgetting, a bit like a shopping list for your memory. With it, you know that barring some awful accident, your memories will always be there for you to access. But in truth they aren't. Not when you want them to be anyway. For example, I have just returned from holiday. On my flight back, I met 2 lovely people, a couple, but I cannot for the life of me remember the girl's name. The guy's I can do fine - it was Henry. 20 minutes after we had parted ways, I couldn't remember her name. My sister asked me and I couldn't for the life of me remember. Memories - troublesome buggers.

But back to ends. All those questions, all of this has been swimming through my head for a few months now. What constitutes a definite, final, no holds barred end? And the truth is, I don't know. I can't comprehend. The relationship I was in "ended" but it will always be there with me because i will remember it. But it has still ended. An interesting question. People's thoughts would be appreciated.

Muse at Wembley Stadium

So i went to see Muse at the new Wembley Stadium on saturday. I had an amazing time. Before i get all effusive about the acts, etc etc, just a word on the facilities. They are superb. I mean really superb. I was in the seated area, and being 6 ft 3 was expecting to have some difficulty with leg room. But this wasnt that case, i had plenty. The beer was cold, if a little bit over expensive and the loos were clean and nice.

Anyway, on wards with the acts. Rodrigo y Gabriela were the first act up. I'd never heard of them and I muse say I was impressed. They were clearly both very very talented. To sum them up in 4 words would be "ARE YOU FUCKING READY!?" which the male one (who i assume is Rodrigo") kept shouting at the audience. Next came Dirty Pretty Things, and i must say i was rather disappointed. Their sound was lost a bit in such a large venue, though they did partially make up for it with an absolutely storming renditition of "Bang bang you're dead" to end their set, complete with trumpet part from Anthony, who then gave his trumpet away to the crowd. Final support were the Streets. Now, I'm not a huge fan of the Streets, but i thought they were wicked. Mike Skinner knows how to entertain a crowd.
Then, the main event. Muse. And they didnt disappoint. Entering from a platform in the the middle of the crowd, with smoke and bangs, they proceeded to produce an absolutely awesome set. Matt Bellamy really does know how to control a crowd (and how to dress, an all red suit with a white shirt, he looked the absolute part). The set was what some would describe as a greatest hits - but it was really a set with the best songs they've made. It was powerful, powerful stuff. What i love about muse live is you never realise that Matt Bellamy is actually 5 ft 8. He seems to own the stage and occupy it all. It was the greatest gig in the history of music, in my humble opinion, better than anything i have even seen. If i see another show like that, i dont know what i'll do. Probably commit suicide. For me, live music is now dead, nothing can compare to Saturday.

My first post here on Blogger

I used to use Wordpress but this is just so much faster. How are things?

Having just got out of a long term relationship, I'm currently in a state of depression where i am uncontrollably uttering the words "you JUST dont understand! none of you understand" every 5 seconds, when in fact everyone probably understands. Or at least that's what i'm told. I've always approached situations like this that were with other people very cautiously. In the end, every relationship is special to someone for a reason that is unique to them. You may think you understand, but the chances are you have no idea what is going through their head. Sure, the stock emotions of sadness, fear etc. are all their, and with that most people can relate. But there is also a longing. A longing for the one thing that made that relationship special. And with that, i don't think it's possible for anyone to relate other than you're ex-partner. I would tell you what that one thing was that i had with Viki, but that would be telling now.

On to more uplifiting things: I only have 3 more A-Level exams left until i am finally free. After attending a revision session for history today, i have realised that i need to revise for monday's exam or i am going to fall flat on my face and make a complete arse of myself. Not so good.

I think this is the point where I go to bed. Whatever time it is, wherever you are, I bid you good night. Speak to you soon
Sam x